Introducing Sister Sally

Time is sempiternal, God is eternal. God is changeless, whereas times change. Change can be of four kinds. But let us not be lead astray, by the wonders of philosophy. Let us focus our piercing schti gaze on the horizon of the West, to see a new star emerging: who although humble in her size and boorish in her origin, will shed her sweet light on the sordid cesspits of digestion and on the deceitful sugarcoated lumps of feces modelled by the apostles of gluttony.

 Fratres carissimi and Sorores carissimae , my sisters and brethren, let me introduce you this shrinking violet, Sister Sally, transported to us by her pious family from the deep valleys of sin and youthful yen for forbidden pleasures. She might not be as well-versed in the holy sciences as I am, however her natural abhorrence towards the fruits of the meadows, the birds of the sky and the creatures of the sea, make her a natural clairvoyant in dietary matters.

Welcome, Sister Sally!

Is eating a sin?

Saint Thomas help me, I am getting as big as a cupboard. I lost track of counting calories. I lay in bed all day read Aristotle and eat. But isn't this the best way to become similar with my supa-dupa favourite saint of all times, the allmighty Thomas Aquinas?? (God I love him) Although, this is the time, Saint Thomas, to tell you something: the principle of individuation is not matter. Definitely not prime matter. Maybe Aristotle didn't even think there was prime matter!!!! There... I said it. There is no way back now, but the truth is sometimes more important than agreeing with our patron saint. (By the way did I tell you, that had I been born a boy I would have been baptised Thomas? Or Peter, but that's fine, I like Peter. The one I don't like is that awful epileptic Paul... Noone likes Paul, all that jibber-jabber about love.. nonsense.) Anyway I am porking out but keeping as chaste as ever: I am not leaving the house so there is no temptations, except for the well developed marble chest of my faithful Aristotle.

What is more, today I got this chicken dish for free, because I made a scene in the MATCH (Which is as we all know, the purgatory of those housewives who commited adultery in thought! With men, yuck!). Anyway I taught those harlots who is the master of this valley of death, they bowed in fear and obedience in behold of my sacred anger and served me this froze microwaveable ambrozia, which I am having at 7:13 am with a beer.

Disappointed in internet-dating...

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100322233250AAeFAW7

I have contacted him already: I sent him an 8 page letter written on pergamen, a copy of my treatise "10 things I hate about being human", and a whip which might contain some dead tissues and blood belonging to my humble self.

In response to what he demanded pictures of me in my hermit gown with no underwear. Honestly, my friends were right, you cannot trust anyone on the internet nowadays. He just set up this whole scam so that he can get a free copy of my treatise! He is clearly trying to scare me away so that he can keep the whip too.

I will keep you updated...

The Church wants no scrubs, you silly heretics! - R'n'b and orthodoxy.

"[...] a certain female viper from the Cainite sect, who recently spent some time here, carried off a good number with her exceptionally pestilential doctrine, making a particular point of demolishing baptism. Evidently in this according to nature: for vipers and asps as a rule, and even basilisks, frequent dry and waterless places. But we, being little fishes, as Jesus Christ is our great Fish, begin our life in the water, and only while we abide in the water are we safe and sound. Thus it was that that portent of a woman, who had no right to teach even correctly, knew very well how to kill the little fishes by taking them out of the water." (Tertullianus : De Baptismo I.1)

Hands off you heretic woman! The Boy is mine! Tertullian was clearly the best when it came to paint a picture of those silly heretics.Who does that Cainite woman think she is? "This liberal doxy must be impaled on the member of a particularly large stallion!" as my friend Ignatius J. reilly would say.


Oh, heretics!

Guys, you are the laughing stock of the Catholic universe, noone listens to you, except for your fellow heretic ani! Filthy and slimy, you try to seduce the holy body of the church but she is spitting her myrrh-flavoured chewing gum on you! This is what this song is about:

"I don't want no scrub a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me,hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at me"

Obviously these words refer to the damned gnostic Valentinus, "Hangin out the passenger's side of his best friend's ride" refers to the time he was a bishop, i.e. riding the "car" (or rather chariot) of ecclesial service, and using his position to "holler at me" where me stands for the innocent, but corruptable virgin body of the Church that he was trying to savour with his lecherous tongue and rotting teeth.

Blasphemer of the month I. : Denis Diderot

Dearest Readers,


Here is my new monthly series after the highly successful "Quote of the Day, Saint of the week" series."Blasphemer of the month" will cover the best known enemies of the Church, ones, whose daily bread was earned by their incoherent diatribes about Catholicism. You, uneducated American protestant readers, probably think that the worst thing that has happened to Christianity was Richard Dawkins. While that awful man is probably a self-proclaimed university Don Juan who has "hot sex" with "liberated young women" in his office, and I want to kick him in his genitalia, I think that worst things have befallen on the Church than his ridiculous attacks. (I will still write a blog entry on him, though)


Denis Diderot (1713-1784)

I hate Denis Diderot fro several reasons: 1) He was a Frenchman. 2) He was a "philosopher" of the enlightment 3) He had a lot of sex, 4) He had no moral standards, 5) He thought women liked sex (ew!).

Now, as to Diderot the "philosopher", he is not of much consequence. He was not a big atheist, like Holbach or Helvetius, he was more of an enemy of  an institutionalized Church, who tried to answer questions of upmost importance by babbling about nature and whatnot.

Now, this is a note to all you amateur philosophers: „Nature” is not an expression that you can just use at your leisure referring to those vague ideas you have about some naked woman sitting in a garden surrounded by fat kids. „Nature” and „natural” should be defined before one uses them and should be handled with care. Diderot (who probably hasn’t read anything but some Locke and his enlightment-cronies' scribblings) knew nothing about Nature. What is even worse, his ethics and casuistry attempted to substitute divine secrets with rational speculation. Oh, human presumptuousness! I don’t mind some rational speculations myself, but as we know philosophy should never aspire to be anything more than the maidservant of theology

Diderot's ridiculous work accumulated in writing erotic novels about lesbian nuns and talking vaginae. I think this is all that has to be said. Obviously, we know that none of those two things exist, but in the fantasy of this sad, old, senile pervert, who was thinking about the talking vaginae of nublie fifteen year-olds, while wearing a velvet gown and eating some moldy croissants.

NEW UPDATES SOON!!!!

Quote of the day, Saint of the week I.- St.Odo of Cluny!

This post is as hot and steamy as a fresh bun right out of the oven of the Cluny monastery!

"To embrace a woman is to embrace a sack of manure."

Said the sagacious St.Odo, who knew what was lying under the surface of silky white skin. Flesh, blood and LYMPHNODES!

St. Odo was a wise man, he loved the Alps and loathed human body. Here is what Mr. Ratzinger has to say about him. My only problem with medieval theologists is that they were so obsessed with not wanting to have sex with women, that they barely wrote anything about how disgusting men are. However, dearest readers, do not fear, for I know someone who has the mental capacities to write these long-awaited treatises on the repulsiveness of muscular male bodies.